Funny Jokes About People Who Dont Drink a Lot
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Steve Martin
"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."—Steve Martin
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Plato
"He was a wise man who invented beer." —Plato.The compliment of "wise" really means a lot coming from Plato. We'd like to think he'd also enjoy these funny drinking quotes AND these clever jokes that make you sound smart.
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Noel Coward
"Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn't everyone?" —Noel Coward.We might have to start after looking at these candid cartoons about politics and money.
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Joe E. Ellis
"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink." – Joe E. Ellis
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Anonymous
"If girls always treated each other like we do when we're drunk in the girl's bathroom, the world would be a happier place." —Anonymous. Keep the laughter rolling beyond these funny drinking quotes with the 101 funniest quotes of all time.
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Humphrey Bogart
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." – Humphrey Bogart
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Anonymous
"In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power, and in water there is bacteria." —Anonymous
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Bette Davis
"There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne."—Bette Davis
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Pope John XXIII
"Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age." —Pope John XXIII
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Rumi
"Either give me more wine or leave me alone." ―Rumi.Don't forget to browse these hilarious wine puns—they're pretty grape!
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David Daye
"If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs."—David Daye
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Dorothy Parker
"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient Champagne."—Dorothy Parker
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Ernest Hemingway
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." —Ernest Hemingway
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Conan O'Brien
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."—Conan O'Brien
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Dave Barry
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."—Dave Barry. We'll have to add this to the list of funny sayings that are worth memorizing.
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Coco Chanel
"I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not."—Coco Chanel.
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Ava Gardner
"I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other."—Ava Gardner
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Jerry Seinfeld
"Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?"—Jerry Seinfeld. But until that happens, here are the wine terms you should know.
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Drew Carey
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? You know there's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."—Drew Carey
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F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right."—F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Compton Mackenzie
"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."—Compton Mackenzie
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Ernest Hemingway
"I drink to make other people more interesting."—Ernest Hemingway.
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W.C. Fields
"I exercise self-control and never touch a beverage stronger than gin before breakfast."—W. C. Fields
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Dean Martin
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."—Dean Martin
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Louis Pasteur
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world."—Louis Pasteur.
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Dizzy Dean
"Sure I eat what I advertise. Sure I eat Wheaties for breakfast. A good bowl of Wheaties with bourbon can't be beat."—Dizzy Dean
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."—Rodney Dangerfield
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Phyllis Diller
"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."—Phyllis Diller.Keep laughing with these 75 funny words you've never heard of before.
Originally Published: May 20, 2020
Source: https://www.rd.com/list/funny-drinking-quotes/
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